Why not our life?

a_bright_moon_by_angelfire2016-d59sq7z

(image via angelfire@deviantart.com)

Yesterday I went to play soccer. After we finished we took some rest. The security officer told us: ‘Everyone go back to the compound’. I told him “I am waiting for the moon’. He said, ‘There is the moon, you can see, look up’. I saw the moon it was very big, looked beautiful. I looked and smiled at the moon and I asked the moon, ‘You light over the world so brightly. Why not our life? How long will we live in this darkness?’ The moon smiled at me and said, ‘Wait patiently please! I look around the world then I come to you’.

But still I don’t know how long it will take.

I feel restless.

  • Rahman (Manus Island August 2016)

A long dusty road

Here is the work of a man who was incarcerated on Manus for 2 years.  He returned under pressure to his country of origin only to have to flee again.  We have kept in contact and he remains part of Writing Through Fences.  Here is some of his story.

3.2-The-long-and-dusty-road

image from hemantsoreng.com

Confusing life

I and a dusty road and a cloudy sky.

I and a long dusty road and a dark cloudy sky.

I and a dusty road, nobody knows where is it’s end.

I and a cloudy sky, nobody knows whether it will get rainy or not.

I and a dusty road, nobody knows how long it takes to get to the end of it.

I and a cloudy sky, nobody knows when it will be stormy or what will happen

to me and dusty road.

Maybe we will get green, maybe we will get puddle.

I and a dusty road, nobody knows whether I can get to the end of it or not.

Maybe we will become friends,

maybe we will finally part.

– M.

I am not a poet but these poems sometimes come to my mind and I can write them.  Not really my mind, they come from my heart.

Thinking about my destination… I came from other side of the world and I came through many countries to get to your country and I couldn’t.  They banished me to PNG, to that prison camp – worse than prison camp.  I went back to my country and had to run away again, to cross many countries again.  I climbed mountains, walked so far, was packed like sheep in a container for 12 hours, took taxi’s, walked so far, slept on streets in freezing rain, boats, camps, sleeping on the wet ground, sometimes in tents, much – too much walking, travelled on buses, walked so far, waited for long times stuck on bridges.

Some days we just had 2 pieces of bread.  I lost too much weight.

When I ran away I was not thinking where I would go. I just had to run away. Now. Run. During 3 years, since I first ran away, and then this second time, I crossed more than 15 countries.

Somedays, yes I get depressed because when I think about future, what will happen…  I am not young and I don’t have time for another journey – and I am a little bit tired now!

I know this country can accept me but do they want to or not?  They can, but will they?

Sometimes I think my life has been wasted.  On the other side I say to myself: Hey boy, you are trying to help yourself and many people don’t have the opportunity you have.

I have faced many kinds of people in my life.  Here, I find that people are kind.  They look at you with open face. Maybe they will accept me.  Maybe this big sky will make a storm again and I will have to stay friends with long dusty road.  Nobody knows if I can get to a destination or not.  I don’t know the answer.  I hope that someone will help me solve these problems, that they will accept me and I can stay here in a peaceful place and let go of that dusty road.

– M.

Nature

This writer from Bangladesh has been incarcerated in Manus Island detention prison for 3 years.

Read and share his beautifully heartbreaking words.

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image by scrapper9000

Nature Breaks

Sometimes nature breaks down into a hundred thousand pieces

when she sees our sorrow.

But no-one realises this.

When security gives us trouble we wait patiently and look at the sky,

for nature to gives us inspiration and sympathy for our lives.

Peace is hiding from us.

There is too much distance between peace and where we are.

 

Of Youth

Youth is like summer flowers.

Suddenly it withers away.

 

  • words by Rahman (Manus Island)

‘Violence against women is one of the great shames of Australia’ – PM Turnbull 2015

‘Violence against women is one of the great shames of Australia’ – PM Turnbull

arezo final image women day 2016

drawing by Janet Galbraith

11pm, 11th December 2015, OPC 3, Australia’s black site, Nauru

Take off your clothes.
I have nothing to hide
I carry only my identity card –
letters and number you have gifted
my hand, my psyche, the ever diminishing pulse
of my heart.
Open your legs
Do I exist only as cavities?
Take off your clothes.
Am I a criminal?
Take off your clothes.
I am a piece of meat.
Afraid, I am crying
I am shouting.
They laugh
They mock
Ridicule.
Take off your clothes
‘Violence against women is one of the great shames of Australia’*.
Open your legs, your hands.
‘It is a national disgrace*’.
A female guard steps forward
Forces open my legs, my hands.
Another guard pushes the wand between my legs, lingers there.
Take off your t-shirt and bra
Leering, they laugh
I lift.
Take off all your clothes.
I hold tight
A male guard closes the door.
My ID is in the woman’s hands.
I push through the men.
Push through the door.
Leave.
As I have been leaving for so long.

– Arezo and Janet Galbraith

* words from PM Malcolm Turnbull in the public domain

Arezo

11pm, 11th December 2015, OPC 3, Australia’s black site, Nauru

Take off your clothes.
I have nothing to hide
I carry only my identity card –
letters and number you have gifted
my hand, my psyche, the ever diminishing pulse
of my heart.
Open your legs
Do I exist only as cavities?
Take off your clothes.
Am I a criminal?
Take off your clothes.
I am a piece of meat.
Afraid, I am crying
I am shouting.
They laugh
They mock
Ridicule.
Take off your clothes
‘Violence against women is one of the great shames of Australia’.
Open your legs, your hands.
‘It is a national disgrace’.
A female guard steps forward
Forces open my legs, my hands.
Another guard pushes the wand between my legs, lingers there.
Take off your t-shirt and bra
Leering, they laugh
I lift.
Take off all your clothes.
I hold tight
A male guard closes the door.
My ID is in the woman’s hands.
I push through the men.
Push through the door.
Leave.
As I have been leaving for so long.

– Arezo and Janet Galbraith

Aziz

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photo by Anne Galbraith

FROM WEST DARFUR TO MANUS ISLAND

Sudan – West Darfur

My name is A.  I am from Sudan. Especially from West Darfur, place called Eftina.

I’m from minority Islam group in Darfur called Zaghawa. We are the only Islam group that the government targeted us.  They persecute us in all corners of Sudan.

It comes a time when the Janjawed (Janjaweed are the militant groups supported by the government)  their aim is to erase all the other blood african islam groups living in that region and their aim is to kill and to rape and to steal all the livestock and land and to chase us away from where they are.  We have been having – me and my family – we have been one of the people who fall in those problems first time.

I have lost my elder brother, his name is Mosef. He was the elder around 26-27. He has been killed by Janjaweed militant.

Fleeing : Struggle day and night

The rest of us fled Sudan and we went to Chad which is close and is a border between Sudan.  We went there and sought asylum from Chad. They sent us to a refugee compound called ‘Farshanah’ which is about approximately 2-300 kms from where we are from.

We spend there about 5 or 6 years in that place. A very very horrible time in my life.

The place is not safe and there is a shortage of everything: shelter, food, security and stability inside the compound. And as you know the place has been run by the two main organisations WFP and Red Cross.  Also we have a UNHCR.  They duty of the WFP is to provide food and shelter for us.  Red Cross, health.  And we have a French organisation called Drs Without Borders.

I spent 5 years in that place which is like spending 50 years of my life in that place.

I used to struggle day and night, just to do two things. One – to feed my family. Two – to keep my family and myself safe.

During that time every single day an abduction would take place around the compound. And that abdication is from the Sudanese police that they flew in from Sudan to Chad.  And they used to come around that compound just to abduct the young men like me and recruit them forcibly to work with them.

You have only one choice. Either you accept to be recruited forcibly, or you will be hiding, or you will flee the place where you are.

All the men that I know, they recruit them forcibly and if you refuse they will kill you.  They will take you far away from your family and they will kill you and nobody will know where you are. If they don’t kill you they will use you as a slave to work for them to do something which is really like unacceptable job such as they kill people and then they force you to dig the ground to bury those people.

They go and they steal the goods of some people and they force you to carry those goods in your head and walk around.  They go and take away all the livelihood – livestock of people and then they force you to look after the livestock.  You have no right to complain and if you refuse your prize is one bullet in your head and you are gone.

Everywhere gunshot: Family pray for safety

After all those years I used to go outside to the markets and I know what when I leave the compound I know that sometime I will not come back to see my family again because there is a real lack of security in that place.   Every corner of the market you can hear a gunshot. Everywhere you go you can hear gunshots. So it makes you feel that if you leave the place I will never come back to my family again. So that is what I used to do every day before I leave the place to go to market to find food to feed my family I would tell them to please pray for me to come back and they always praying for me. So I go there. I walked for 12 hours sometimes 14 hours just to get food for our daily meals – lunch and dinner. I could not afford to pay for breakfast for my family. This is the way I kept my family for 5 years in that place.  Until today when I decided to leave that place.

Leaving

I had been planning to leave for many many years. Chadian government refused to give us any documents and refused to provide any security for us. They are always saying in the media that they are providing safety and security and stability for these people but all this was really a lie.

They say look we can help you to go to Indonesia but we don’t know what will happen to you.  I said ‘No problem I am happy to go to Indonesia’.  They made me fake passport, fake travel documents and they arrange everything for me. It was not even really clear. It was all fake.  And I came to Indonesia, to Jakarta.

Genocide in Darfur forces us to leave

As you know everyone knows what is happening in Darfur especially between 2001 and 2013.  There was a massive genocide in 2005 which leave up to 25000 – 26000 Sudanese from Islamist groups lost their lives. This is the only reason that forced all the young people like me to flee their country, their homelands.  They went all the way to different countries and some lost their lives on their way to seek asylum from any part of the world.

Zhagawa

So the reason that this affect most of us aside from the genocide is that we Zhagawa have been marginalised and not accepted in the Sudanese community.  It doesn’t matter what sort of qualification you have or where you reach in terms of education at the end of the day they discriminate against you because you are from the West part of Sudan.

If you say you are from West part of Sudan – like if you say something like you’re abusing them or you say something funny. Everyone will start looking at you and laughing at you like you are a strange person like you are not a real Sudanese.  So there are a lot of things that are happening right through to today especially for the young people. And so if you are from West part of Sudan you have only one option. You must join the army or police and you go and kill your own people. If you refuse probably you will be killed. If you say yes – you have to go and do that.  Many many people took the risk.  The majority were killed and those left …  whenever they got the chance they escape.

Indonesia and relationship with Sudan

After I came to Indonesia – I spent 3 months in Indonesia.  I came to Indonesia on 14th of July. That is the date we arrived 14 of July 2013. I spent 3 months in Indonesia and I tried 3 times to cross the ocean because I have no chance and my desire was to stay in Indonesia but unfortunately Sudan government and Indonesia have very very close relationship which leads to the Indonesian government to authorise the Sudan government to send their own intelligence to monitor the young Sudanese who have left the country and are seeking asylum from Indonesia and around the world.

In Indonesia for us, the Sudanese, we are not allowed to walk around like other nationalities. We used to be hidden in places like Bogor so we hide in a villa.  During all the day we cannot leave the rooms until night time when we buy things we need like our mess [food] and it is really terrible times that I seen in my life. When I was in Darfur I saw so much and took a lot of risk and go through terrible times but in Indonesia is the only time I got scared because you are not going to die. If you are scared that you are going to die it is good but you are not going to die.

Fighting with the waves #1

Chance that I have.  I said look I have to try.  Even though it might cost me my life I have to try because I have no other chance. So I have to fight with the waves. If I made it good, and if I lost my life in the sea I will be food for the fish instead of just taking me back again to Sudan and torturing me in Sudan and doing a lot of shitty stuff on me in Sudan.  So the first time I took the risk we spend more than 48 hours in the boat.

You are not going to die there because of the torturing.  What made me afraid there in Indonesia was the torturing. You know we have one of the worst torturing of our intelligence in Sudan. When they capture you they torture you and they do a lot of shitty stuff that will always drive you crazy completely.  Even though you didn’t do anything you have to admit that you did just to stop the torture.  The first time I tried to cross the ocean – because I’ve got no chance. I have not chance either to go back or to stay in Indonesia. I have only one chance.  More than 48 hours in the boat.

So we moved from Indonesia. I can’t remember where in Indonesia we moved from. At night time the smugglers came to us at midnight and said: ‘Hey guys get up and pack your stuff’ and he said ‘you guys are not allowed even to take any stuff just only the clothes you wearing and put on your shoes and get in the car’. So we did what he told us. We came to a place even I can’t remember the name…. it was midnight.  I can’t see anything. Just I see some Indonesian men started helping us. They put us in a small boat.  I asked why that small boat and they said ‘Look there’s another big boat or ship down there so you have to get on this small boat and it will take you all the way to the ship’.

As I haven’t seen the ship I said ok. So I agreed to go. After we got in that boat they took us to another bigger boat – a fishing boat and it was bigger. We jump on that boat.  It was night time so no one realise the boat was broken from everywhere. So we just say ok. We asked the guy are you sure that this is going to take us.  And they guy said ‘yes its going to take you there so don’t be afraid’.  We start from there about 5am in the morning.

From there we just keep moving until – the only thing i remember from that day is I asked the crew: ‘So how far are we’.  He told us that ‘we are very close to the international sea – about 200 kms from Christmas Island.  Suddenly we realised that this boat cannot take us to Christmas Island. We were stuck in the middle of the oceans with no way behind us and nothing there. The only thing that I could see around me was just the sea everywhere.

We stopped the boat there and the crew talked to us and said ‘hey guys this boat cannot take us up to Christmas Island so what should we do? Can we go back to Indonesia  or we just keep going’.  So we had no options.  We say if this boat cannot take us to Christmas Island no way we can risk our life. We already risked our life.  So we have to look for an alternative solution. The alternative solution that we were looking at is that we all agreed that we have to go back to Indonesia.

From there we were coming back to Indonesia, suddenly the boat – the middle of the boat – you know one piece of wood is just came out and suddenly we realised there was a big hole so all the salty water started coming up on the boat. We just by ourself. We had nothing there. We were just by ourself so we took off all our tshirts and we put them in that hole to stop the water and from there we drove to the Indonesian coast. So it took us about a day or a day and a half.

46 of us straight into the water

We went to one island, i don’t know the name of the island, but it was really like the island was between two mountains on each side. We arrived there about 3 o’clock and we could see the light, the light of the houses of Indonesia and suddenly we came very close to the shore and the wave came and hit the boat and the boat turned over on one side and everyone went straight to the water.  At that time only we were 56 guys and 46 of us went straight into the water and only 10 or 15 guys they just went on.

They were trying to take out all the guys who fell into the water but there was no way we could help them so what we did was trying to help ourself to get out of that place.  At the same time at that place – we were 56 and we just lost 6 of our friends.  They just gone. We have’t even see their dead body.

I was the only guy there and remained there for 10 or 15 hours because I have no place to go and nobody know and I don’t know anyone or have any phone number to call. Most of them got out of the water and they just ran into the jungle and I just remained there.

Half of my day was with no money to buy food, no water, nothing.  Suddenly some of the villagers they called the police and the police came and when the police came – you know its good that they speak English because I do speak English and I started speaking to them.

Return to Indonesia: no guarantee of safety

They asked a lot of questions.  The first thing they say is they have to take me to the police station.  They took me to the police station. After that they started interrogating with me.  They asked me how many people were in the boat. All i could remember was only 58 people.

After the interrogations.  I spent 3 hours with the police in the police station there.  And after that they made contact to an IOM office in Jakarta and from there they put me in a mini-bus and sent me to Jakarta. So when I arrived in Jakarta and I had been welcomed by IOM officers there and they provided me with a few things: like shelter and they asked me if I am able to speak English they want to do an interview with me.

On the second day I told them that ‘Look, guys I ended up in here and I don’t know anyone or anything about this place. And they asked me why I didn’t want to stay in Indonesia and I explained to them all the reasons and they said well we cannot guarantee you that you can stay safely here in Indonesia.

So when I heard that from them I said ‘what do you mean you can’t guarantee to me?’ and finally he just clarified that ‘Look , your government has got a strong connection with the Indonesian government so anytime anywhere they can just come and take people from here and send them back.

So I was panicked when I heard that from them and I – so from there I was thinking what should I do to get out of that place.  So finally I find a way to get out of that place.  All my story – I have tried 3 times just to cross the ocean.  And I know the risk of the ocean , I know all about it but I haven’t got any option.  So the only option I have got is that I have to fight with the wave that is in front of me.

My last journey to Christmas Island

On my last journey, on the way to Christmas Island we have seen a boat that carrying about 100 or less than 100 people – women, kids and adult people and families in that boat.  And the boat sunk infront of us.

It had been maybe 2 days or 3 days ahead and when we just came close to that boat I think the crew he just saw all the people dying and all the people dead and they just floating up on the water. The water just lift them up and they were everywhere and the crew saw that and he doesn’t want everyone to see that action.

If all people we saw that dead bodies we probably be shocked and also we make the same accident like them and the crew decided to trick us and he say : ‘Guys, I really heard something that the Indonesian navy they were somewhere near here so I want you, all of you guys to lay down and put the tarpaulin cover your heads and keep your head down.

When he say something like that – you know I realised we were really far away from Indonesia so how come the Indonesia navy will come all the way up to here. So, I cover my head and just I bend my head down and at the same time I was just staring outside and suddenly I saw … you know,  I heard some noise on the boat.  The boat was  moving on top of the dead bodies you know – and something was really really really  – again I don’t know even how to describe it but it touched my heart and I start crying.  I’m just seeing myself, my eyes are tearing and I don’t know even what to do and people were asking me ‘Whats wrong with you?’ and I say ‘Oh I just remember some of my friends that I lost on my first journey’.

PNG – Manus Island – Australia’s prison camp

When I saw that incident it took me far back to where I start my life in Darfur. It remind me of every corner of Darfur and every village that burn in Darfur. It remind me of many many incidents that took place in Darfur.   You know I still remember that incident – it is still in my mind.  And sometimes I used to have a nightmare due to that incident. So I don’t know what to say but it is really really hard for me to explain to people you know.  You know it is really hard to explain to somebody because if I explain it or I say it  to somebody, if I say – it doesn’t make sense but I still feel it.

You know, at night time I can see those people that I have seen them dead in Darfur and I’ve seen the people that are dead in the oceans. So with all that history I’ve just – I don’t know what to say but I have ended up in PNG here.  After even I came in here in PNG I’ve realised that they are still persecuting me and I make a comparison between PNG and my country that I fled from – you know there’s not really a big distinguish because the same things – lack of security and stability its here in PNG here and you know in my country we have the same problems – corruptions and you know unjust government that kill their own people, forcing their own people just to escape their country.

So after that all, I never imagine that one day I will leave this compound and I will go somewhere else.

Suddenly I realised I was locked up in the [Lorengau] jail with several other people and I started asking myself : I never been in a jail before and I asked my self,  ‘What did I commmited that deserve this kind of punishment’.  And you know so many questions that circling around in my mind but you know I can’t find any person that can answer those questions that I have with me.

So after I spend all my time in the prisons and I come out of prisons I just realise that I’ve got a view and I haven’t had a view before but I’ve just realised that I’ve got a view.

Oh my god.  Somethings is really indescribable.

A. 2016

Esmaeli

mosquito_attacks

image c. Eaten Fish

Here is Manus Island

Here is Manus Island

you’re hearing my voice behind the fence.

Here is Manus Island

I am not going well and neither are the other guys.

Here is Manus Island

our room’s light is always turning off.

Here is Manus Island

some one went mad,

alway sweeping the room,

my throat is filled with pebbles of the beach.

Here is manus

I am alway sleeping in my bed

A. some times comes to see me

Here is manus

A’s taking shower fifty times a day

but he feels still dirty

Here is Manus

three years of my life has been wasted

and so have your taxes.

Here is Manus

last years my arm been broken

but doctor treated with water and regular panado.

The doctor’s  name was Angel!

Here is Manus

every one is in their own low.

Here is Manus

our dinner for last night was mosquito soup

but I missed out.

Here is Manus

the cook forgot his denture in the food.

His name was Chief of the Hell.

Here is Manus

a tiny island in the pacific ocean.

Here is Manus

ou side somebody suicided

but I was cleaning the toilet.

Here is Manus

as I am high or drunk

I must cry and yell on my destiny.

Here is Manus

it has been a long time I been called JMG 68

Here is Manus

a tiny island in the ocean.

Here is Manus

you are unhappy I cost you lots of taxes

and I am upset and deppressed to be anoying you

but you won’t let me leave.

Here is Manus

I need a boat

for sailing away.

Here is Manus

I am alone

and A is alone

and humanity is alone.

– Esmaeli (January 2016, Manus Island)

with minimal editing by Janet Galbraith

Aziz

Aziz is a writer and human rights defender who has been detained on Manus Island for 31  months.

He precise the poem with:

I wrote this poem after the High Court ruled against us which is very disappointing for all of us.  The refugee activists were carrying out big protests around the cities of Australia which will make us to not lose hope although we have been languishing in detention centre for 31 months and now languish indefinately.

We are in huge conflict with our mental health because of ongoing torture and trauma including harassment from the staff.

I am requesting from all of my friends to keep hope. Let us break this silence of the coconut trees and the ocean. Let us back to our normal lives outside of the fences.

Who will cry for the young men

Who will cry for the young men

lost and all alone?

Who will cry for the young man

abandoned without his own?

Who will cry for the young men

tortured in detention?

Who will cry for the young man

who cries himself to sleep?

Who will cry for the young men

who never have their keeps?

Who will cry for the young men

who walk in burning sand?

Who will cry for the young men,

the boy inside the man,

who knows the world’s hurt and pain?

Who will cry for the young men,

who died and die again?

Who will cry for the young men?

Good men they are trying to be.

Who will cry for the young men?

I cry inside of me.

Who will cry for the young men?

I will.

We will together.

 

Aziz (written after the High Court decision on the 3rd of February 2015)

 

 

Murtaza

“For Sahar Batool”

A kid who’s age is
to play,
to have fun,
to be fond of her life,

who doesn’t care
what is gonna happen
and doesn’t know what else to do-
just stays busy playing,

who can’t bear a little scratch on her body,
who is to be loved and loved.
A kid who doesn’t know what’s a boy,
what’s a girl,

who delights in making friends.
Doesn’t matter for her,
which nation,
which religion –
black or white.

This same kid was killed so brutally,
murdered by strangling,
abused,
tortured harshly.

For she belonged to a precise nation
and religion.

Who is Malala?
She’s the same girl
for whom the whole world raised their voices,
protested and demonstrated.
Why couldn’t she be valued as Malala?

Why is the world so quiet?

‘Coz she was poor?
She had no family background?

But I don’t really care
whether people forget you or no.
You won’t be forgotten by me,
by your brother.

– Murtaza, 2013

Abbas

Of Freedom

Ground shakes beneath the hoofs of horses.

They gallop faster than the wind –

wild and free.

I see my dreams sparkling in their manes.

Oh the air is filled

with the smell of horses

sorrow and a tiny bit of envy.

Far away in the horizon

I can see a few little black spots

and the ground I am standing on

starts to still again.

It is all gone.

I was all a dream.

My dream of freedom –

the outburst of the feelings

these restriction have created

in me.

– Abbas

رویای آزادی یا احساس حبس و بند

زمین زیر پای سم اسبان میلرزد.

چهار نعل میگریزند ..وحشی و افسار گسیخته

در یالهایشان میپیچد آرزوهایم….

هوا سرشار از بوی اسب و غم و کمی هم غبطه….

در افق نقطه های سیاه کوچکی رخ مینماید و زمینی که من بر آن ایستاده ام رفته رفته آرام میگیرد…

پنداری رویایی بود همه….

ر